the year starts off with almost running out of gas in southern utah. i flew to vietnam for the first time and struggle with feelings of belonging. i met the unfamiliar faces of my step family, then cried at the airport when i had to say good bye.
matthew and i went to british columbia, driving along slippery slopes, skiing in cotton candy snow, and basking in the sunset reflections in the white mountains. i discovered my paranoia of bear tracks in the snow and rattlesnakes hiding in dead logs while hiking by myself. i also discovered how amazing tim horton's is.
the superbloom came to california and i've never been happier.
i was on the road sporadically - a wedding in nashville, a poker tournament in reno. in between, i fell in love with the colors of spring and hated everything i created.
i turned 26 alone in a tree house in argentina.
it was summer, but my skin barely touched the sun. a sudden urge to go to zion overcame me, so matthew and i set out to utah... only to have the symptoms of a kidney infection overtake me during one of the most dangerous hikes we've been on. i cried all 9 hours home and curled up in bed for days.
i crossed "hike angels landing" off my bucket list.
i spent a lot of time outdoors and equally as much time reading political books and articles. i felt hopeful and hopeless, but mostly uncertain about what my role was.
a four inch scar now runs along my right shin from drinking too much vodka, looking at the stars, and tripping over a cement block.
my family released my mum's ashes into the sea and i am upset by how anti-cathartic it is. i filled my apartment with chrysanthemums because it helps.
later in the month, we saw a sliver of the solar eclipse and it was magical. i added "witness a total solar eclipse" to my bucket list.
i cut my bangs just in time to head over to europe for two weeks. sarah, thomas, & i drove around the south of france, then ate our way up to milan, vienna, and prague. i saw gustav klimt's paintings at the belvedere and it helped add rich colors back into my work.
i went back to vietnam to visit my dad who suddenly moved away in the summer. i explored more of the countryside, spent a wonderful few days with my ex-step family, then flew over to thailand to get my scuba diving license.
after a month of sleepless nights working, homesickness began to spread in my bones. i was exhausted.
i worked a lot. i felt lonely. it felt like the world was on fire.
the southern californian fires filled my lungs with a hint of smoke and ash. i thought about how i am not where i want to be, but i am probably exactly where i am supposed to be. i threw away my maps searching for happiness and surrender to the fluidity of existing.